We have all been in conversation with a person or people who are masters at the “conversation killer”. Whether that is a moment where you say to yourself, “Oh gosh how long will this go on…” or “Does this person hear anything I am actually saying…”. A conversation defined is a talk between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged. A better definition we think is – An effective conversation is a talk between two or more people, in which topics or ideas are exchanged, heard and understood by both parties.
Too often in our busy lives conversations are brought down to a level of deaf rebuttal (responding without listening).
We have put together a list of conversation killers that we think all people should be aware of in order to have ongoing effective and impactful conversations and relationships, as referenced from one of our highlighted books “Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott” – “The conversation is the relationship”.
Here are our top 15 conversation killers:
- Trumping. Trumping someone’s story. They have the floor with a story to tell and someone jumps in to tell their own story which they perceive is a better one.
- Interrupting. Cutting someone off mid-sentence and/or talking over the top of them.
- Pontificating. Talking as if there is not other explanation or choice other than the one this person is presenting. On a soap box with a loudspeaker, ‘you must listen to me’ type mentality.
- Naysayer. Criticises and always objects to everything; says things like ‘yes good idea but it will never work’. Can also be a bit of a ‘mud raker’, likes to stay in the weeds.
- The monopoliser. Someone who wants to take charge of the conversation so you can hardly get a word or opinion in yourself.
- The ‘must be proven right’ person. The conversation will be great providing you agree with what I’m about to say!
- The labeller. Labels the person rather than the behaviour which means it gets personal rather than being a process or training improvement required.
- The negator. Negates any experience the person might have saying things like ‘most people don’t think like that’ or ‘you are just not thinking straight’
- Sentence finisher. You are halfway explaining yourself and someone jumps in to finish what they believe are or should be your words.
- Passive listening. These people pretend to listen but are only waiting for their turn to talk. Their minds are made up no matter what you say.
- Wrongly equating. These people say things like ‘I know how to feel, I had the same etc’ when it’s never the same and its demeaning to the other person to think you know exactly how they feel.
- Diverter. This person will try and drag you off track to the main theme or question at hand to either bring up their own topic to talk about or simply that their mind just rambles.
- Ambush strategy. Giving people some early compliments but ‘bang’ you are there to hit them with a whole load of complaints.
- Oversharing. Sometimes sharing too much information can get people to switch and get confused on what they should be focusing on.
- Assumption jumper. You are halfway through a thought or conversation and the other person make a premature judgment of what you are thinking and/or the answer is. Let them finish and properly explain themselves.